As we hustle to get tasks done more quickly and efficiently, it’s easy to reduce relationships to transactions.
Deadlines, metrics, and quarterly targets often take precedence over building meaningful associations. Yet, the most impactful leaders understand that kindness and compassion are not time wasters, but significant and essential ways to drive success.
Kindness has the remarkable ability to transform interactions, turning ordinary exchanges into authentic moments of connection. The bridge between transactional relationships and thriving ones consists of simple acts like listening attentively, sharing generously, spending quality time, or mentoring. But to be clear, it’s not about being nice.
Kind and Nice are Not the Same
It’s important to distinguish between being kind and being nice. While many think that they’re the same, they are two separate concepts.
Being nice is often about avoiding conflict and prioritizing pleasantness, even at the expense of authenticity. I may not think Jim gave an excellent presentation at the all-company meeting. But I can be nice and say that he did a good job. Kindness, on the other hand, involves genuine care and the courage to do what’s best for others, even when it’s uncomfortable. To be kind, I might let Jim know the parts of his presentation I thought were great and also offer constructive suggestions about what could be better the next time he presents information to the company. That is the difference. Kindness is rooted in integrity and thoughtfulness, whereas niceness can sometimes be superficial or conflict-avoidant. In leadership, choosing kindness means making decisions that balance empathy with honesty and accountability.
Lessons in Kindness from Unexpected Places
During a recent family trip to New York City, I was struck by the power of kindness in its purest form. My 10-year-old son, Richard, demonstrated this beautifully while building a bond with his cousin, Nori, who is three years his junior. He could’ve been “too cool” to try to connect with his younger cousin. But he demonstrated kindness in how he related to her throughout our trip. It wasn’t grand gestures that mattered, but instead he prioritized thoughtful connection. When she spoke to him, he gave her plenty of eye contact, listened closely, and shared thoughts and feelings with her openly so that she would feel comfortable sharing with him. Another instance was when Richard became upset and needed a moment to recover his composure. Nori, seeing that he was upset, offered her hand and words of encouragement to him. Richard knew he needed a moment alone and communicated that to Nori. She gave him the time needed, and Richard soon returned to holding her hand and talking. Even in his moment of upset, he showed her kindness by explaining his need rather than just refusing her support. These small yet profound actions deepened their relationship in ways that they can build upon when they next see each other.
Another moment of kindness in my family revealed itself through my nine-year-old son, Miles. At school, a classmate was visibly upset and struggling to keep his emotions in check during a difficult day. Sensing his friend’s distress, Miles drew a picture of his favorite soccer star to cheer him up. It was a simple, heartfelt gesture that made all the difference. He didn’t ask to be let in to his classmate’s confidence about the issue. He trusted that if he needed to know he would be told. Instead, he offered his kindness and compassion, taking time to do something to make his friend feel cared for and a bit happier.
These moments of genuine kindness remind me of a powerful truth: we don’t need to be hard or harsh to achieve results. In fact, kindness often has a far greater impact, not just in personal relationships but also in professional settings.
Why Kindness Matters in Leadership
Kindness, when practiced with intention, fosters trust, collaboration, engagement, and even innovation! It has a ripple effect that transforms culture in positive ways. It could be the reason that the bright idea from an assistant manager gets spoken out loud or why retention rates go from decent to terrific. In fact, in some studies, leaders who prioritize kindness create a competitive advantage for their company just by being kind. It costs nothing.
Here are six reasons why kindness should be at the heart of every leader’s approach:
- Kindness Builds Trust and Psychological Safety
Kind leaders create an environment in which team members feel valued and safe to express themselves, share ideas, and take risks. This culture of openness fosters innovation and strengthens team bonds. - Kindness Enhances Employee Engagement
Employees who feel genuinely cared for are more motivated, loyal, and engaged. When leaders demonstrate kindness through empathy, active listening, and recognition, employees feel appreciated and seen. - Kindness Promotes Conflict Resolution
Kindness helps leaders navigate conflicts with understanding and a focus on finding common ground. This approach reduces tension, fosters stronger working relationships, and leads to constructive outcomes. - Kindness Drives Productivity
Kindness doesn’t mean avoiding accountability. It involves setting clear expectations while supporting team members in meeting them. This balance of encouragement and accountability drives productivity and morale. - Kindness Promotes Desired BehaviorsLeaders who act with kindness set the tone for interpersonal interactions throughout the organization. This ripple effect improves workplace culture and inspires others to act with similar compassion.
- Kindness Attracts and Retains TalentOrganizations with humane and supportive leadership stand out. Kindness becomes a differentiator, attracting top talent and building a reputation as an employer of choice.
Practical Ways to Lead with Kindness
Incorporating kindness into leadership doesn’t require grand gestures. Here are specific, actionable ways to practice kindness every day:
- Show Empathy: Schedule regular one-on-one check-ins to understand team members’ challenges and provide support. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts.
- Express Gratitude: Make it a habit to thank team members for their contributions. Acknowledge both small and large wins publicly and privately, being sensitive to individual preference.
- Practice Compassion: Be proactive in offering help when team members face difficulties. Let them know you’re there to assist.
- Demonstrate Fairness: Ensure workloads, opportunities, and recognition are distributed equitably.
- Engage in Active Listening: During meetings and conversations, focus fully on the speaker. Reflect back what you hear to confirm understanding and demonstrate genuine interest.
It may seem like work gets done faster when forgoing opportunities to create genuine connections through kind interactions. But the minutes saved are negligible when compared to the long-term benefits of giving kind attention to colleagues and collaborators.
When leaders prioritize kindness, they foster both human connection and organizational success.
When leaders prioritize kindness, they build cultures of trust, respect, and collaboration.
Richard and Miles reminded me that leading with kindness is about being present, fostering understanding, and prioritizing relationships. It’s a lesson that transcends age and context, reminding us that whether in business or life, kindness has the power to transform everyday moments into something far more meaningful.
