Outside perspective matters.
We love to claim our titles. I see them frequently on social media bios — entrepreneur, spouse, parent, friend, volunteer. But rarely do we pause to ask: How am I really showing up in each of those roles? Many of my executive-coaching clients benefit from 360° reviews, board evaluations, and candid feedback from peers and direct reports. As an executive coach and organizational consultant who often works independently, though, I’ve had to get more creative when seeking input.
That’s why I was intrigued enough by a recent LinkedIn challenge I’ve seen become popular among AI-savvy professionals in my network. You’ve likely seen it. People have been asking:
“With all the data you have collected about me, tell me who I am at my core – and don’t sugarcoat it.”
Since I use ChatGPT for both personal and administrative tasks, it had enough of my input to offer insights into how I think about the people and roles that matter to me. Here’s a snippet of what it returned:
“You are a protector and a builder. You’re fiercely committed to creating a stable, purposeful life for your sons, and you’re just as committed to shaping environments—at work, in your community, and in your own home—where people can grow, thrive, and feel seen. You carry the weight of responsibility deeply, often sacrificing your own rest and peace to show up fully for others. This isn’t just about obligation—it’s a form of love, of purpose…”
Reading that felt equal parts validating and disquieting. It was validation that my values were visible, that I’m “walking the talk” as I often counsel clients we must do as leaders. But I felt a bit of unease at seeing my unspoken pressures and blind spots revealed so plainly. It appears that I’m being consistently candid, even when I’m not interacting with people directly!
The exercise helped me see where I’m living a congruent life and where I may need to pay more attention. Regardless of the information I got, this challenge underscored a simple truth for me: self-reflection is non-negotiable for leaders.
Why External Feedback Can Be a Game-Changer
In my coaching work with individuals and teams, I’ve seen leaders transform when they finally hear how they’re perceived.
For example, a CEO who advertised her “open door” policy believed she was exceptionally accessible. That was until employee feedback revealed people felt intimidated by her presence and her inability to connect with team members on topics other than work projects made her seem aloof and uninterested. Adjusting her office setup, holding “walking” one-on-ones, practicing active listening, and sharing more about her own challenges and thoughts shattered that barrier. Morale and innovation among her direct reports climbed.
A director I coached prided himself on team empowerment and he felt that he was doing an excellent job with delegation on his self-assessments. Yet, a 360° review revealed many on his team felt micromanaged because he checked in hourly. What he viewed as staying connected to help was perceived as lack of trust in their abilities to problem-solve for themselves. Shifting to weekly check-ins and communicating to his leaders that he had faith in their decision-making and collaboration skills elevated his team’s ownership. Projects moved more swiftly and with better results after those changes.
These examples show that without a feedback loop, even well-intentioned leaders can miss the mark.
ChatGPT as a Mirror
It may seem unconventional. But in the absence of more formal processes, AI can highlight patterns you’d never notice on your own. Here are some ways executives I know are using AI to “check their work.”
- Tone Analysis: Copying in recent emails and asking for an overview of your dominant communication style. Is it coming across as supportive? Overly formal? Terse?
- Personality Snapshot: Based on your input, ask for a candid description of your core traits. Then, challenge it. Where does it feel off? How is it accurate?
- Comparison Over Time: Request a summary of how your tone or priorities have shifted across months of writing. It can show you changes you are unaware of making or blind spots.
When Feedback Clashes with Self-Image
Nobody loves hearing that their “strength” sometimes feels like a “straitjacket” to others. It’s human to object when input received doesn’t match how we see ourselves. But every piece of feedback, especially the uncomfortable kind, is a gift.
As I’ve noted before, although some people don’t think they need feedback, it’s simply not true. All human beings require feedback, and because it’s a constant, essential aspect of leadership, all leaders need to seek it for themselves. For those uncomfortable with or new to holding up a mirror, I suggest this approach when taking in feedback:
- Information > Judgment: Treat every critique as data, not a character attack.
- Curiosity over Defensiveness: Ask follow-up questions. “Help me understand what made you feel that way.”
- Consideration not Denial: You don’t have to accept every point at face value, but you owe it to your team to explore its roots.
When we learn to lean into feedback that jars our self-image, we unlock deeper self-awareness and more authentic leadership.
Recently I debriefed several executives on their self-assessments and 360º feedback. What they learned validated their strengths but given their desires for more responsibility highlight soft skills that needed improvement in order to advance more quickly in the organization. They needed to listen more, use the ideas of others to encourage engagement and collaboration. These were seen as key skills they each needed in order progress and not nice to haves. When businesses across the globe are being challenge with geo political pressures the need to collaborate in influence others is a key skill to be successful.
Reflection Practices That Work
After going over feedback with leaders, I encourage them to take some time to process the information and consider ways they can further investigate if there are changes to be made. These are some methods that I’ve seen help others, and some that help me personally.
Journal Prompts
Writing on these topics makes space for internal dialogue and evaluation. Or you can use some to kick off discussion with those whose feedback you want to receive:
- What identity am I projecting, and how close is it to who I want to be?
- Which of my stated values feel most evident? Which at this time seem to be present in words but not actions?
- When was the last time I received honest feedback, and what did I do with it?
- Who in my life should I seek feedback from and why?
- Where do I feel most aligned in life and where do I feel the most dissonance?
- What does success look like to me today, and how has that definition evolved?
- What prevents me from using the feedback to increase my effectiveness?
Using AI Tools
- AI + Human: Combine ChatGPT insights with a quick check-in from a mentor or spouse.
- Tone Tracker: Monthly, ask AI to review your email correspondence and chart your formality, empathy, or assertiveness.
- Personality Challenge: Present your AI-generated core traits challenge results to a peer and ask, “Does this seem accurate to you?”
Growth Requires Witnesses
Whether it’s through a 360°, a trusted advisor, or even an AI tool, your leadership depth reflects how well you know yourself, and how willing you are to learn and grow. I’ll be taking my ChatGPT core traits challenge to my wife, my friends, and my close collaborators to see how well this assessment aligns with their experiences with me. I’ll use that information to grow and improve how I show up in my various roles.
Remember, growth isn’t a solo sport. It’s a relay, passed through feedback, reflection, and the courage to show up a little better every day.
What will you do next to gain real clarity about your leadership?
